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Difficult Conversations
The four sentences that do the work, feedback that changes behaviour, saying no, and delivering a decision people will dislike.
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01
Delivering a Decision People Will Dislike
Explain the reasoning without reopening the vote. The distinction is between telling people why and inviting them to relitigate, and it is carried almost entirely by tense and framing.
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02
Saying No
A soft no is heard as a maybe, and a maybe invites the case to be made again. The kindest version is the one that closes the question in a single conversation.
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03
Receiving Feedback Without Punishing the Giver
Your first two seconds determine whether you ever hear anything again. Nobody will tell you that you reacted badly, which is why the supply of honest feedback dries up without any observable event.
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04
Giving Feedback That Changes Behaviour
Feedback and evaluation are different instruments delivered in the same words. Merged, the person defends their standing instead of hearing the correction, and nothing changes.
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05
The Four Sentences
Observation, effect, question, ask. The preamble everyone reaches for makes the conversation worse, because it tells the other person something difficult is coming and delays their finding out what.
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06
The Conversation You Are Avoiding
Delay does not hold the situation still. The cost accrues to other people while the leader waits for a version of the conversation that will be easier, and no such version arrives.